Tales of Love and Crack
by Pr3cIoUs
Summary: Their love has been told through romance, angst and drama but it has now transcended to a new level… crack! Adventures involving voyeuristic spiders, cat creatures and closets made for sex. YYxY Side pairings: RxB, JxS. Collaboration fic with Auster.


**AN:** This is a collaboration fic with Auster (though she may deny it… it is entirely her fault. I blame you!) These were msn conversations turned fics, nothing like a good role-play to bring out the crack in a personality!

Warning: Intended Crack! Be aware that it is extremely cracky, and shiny in various places. Once again the crapness of this (amazingness in our personal opinion) is purely intended. (If you weren't scarred before you will be now!)

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! and Auster doesn't either... unless she suddenly got good really good at poker and Kazuki Takahashi decided to bet the franchise for some strange reason, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't. Oh, sadly, I'm sure 4Kids has rights to it too... one day 4Kids will get drunk and try and play people at poker... and I'll be right there ready to kick some arse.

Summary: Their love has been told through romance, angst and drama but it has now transcended to a new level… crack! Come one, come all and view voyeuristic spiders, cat creatures and closets made for sex. YYxY. Side pairings: RxB, JxS.

**Tales of Love and Crack**

**Chapter One: Of Closets and Voyeuristic Spiders**

The school was silent… but then there was a crash of thunder in the distance and the silhouette of a boy was seen coming down the hall. The boy was filled with the grace that only royalty is blessed with; he had tri-coloured hair reminiscent of a crown… and was the size of a ten year old. Though perhaps that was exaggerating... he was shorter than a ten year old. The lightening that soon followed the thunder reflected over the hair and any other being in the small hallway would have been able to see the colossal locks and the gold streaks that looked like an extension of the lightening.

Yami was walking, or strutting, along the hallway outside the science classroom, because it so obviously belonged to him. He was the King of Games and the Ra-damned King of this school!

Mr. Murakami, his science professor, was glaring at him from across the hallway… his glasses glinted and seemed to want to intimidate him but he was Yami. He had power over the shadows and had he ever gone on speed dating, (which he would never do as he was happily married to the most wonderful creature this side of the universe and the other side for that matter!) his favourite hobby would be the crushing of innocent minds and souls that dare look at his greatness and the greatness of his beloved, and then he would proceed to mind crush the person sitting opposite. Needless to say, speed dating was not on his 'Things to do Before I Die (… again)' list. And he would not, would most definitely not, be intimidated by this scrawny excuse of a man.

Mr. Murakami cringed away from the scene before his eyes, the boy that had stood there stoned faced a moment before had burst into maniacal laughter and the storm outside suddenly grew fiercer.

"M-Mr. Motou, you should be in class," Mr. Murakami coughed and tried to sound more dignified in front this boy that only reached his elbow in height but still managed to make him need to change his underwear… he should really stop wearing them as it was costing a fortune for the cleaning bills every time he encountered Motou Yami.

The interruption to Yami's laughter greatly disappointed him, the clichéd super villain victory laughter pose, of palms facing the ceiling and head thrown back disappeared and all that was left was the echo of his laughter in the empty hallway. He pouted on the inside, before he overcame himself and his glare intensified. His crimson eyes turned fiery and the shadows licked up his arms.

"You dare speak to me that way, peasant?!" Yami's voice grew cold and a convenient breeze rushed by them, making his hair gently sway as his eyes flashed in anger.

Mr. Murakami gaped at the teen in front of him, he tried to stand tall but his spine seemed to cave in on itself.

"Th-There are rules in this school… " He was interrupted by the boy and his voice cracked like a whip outside of the classroom.

"Screw the rules, I have big hair! (1) I shall have to punish you for this insolence, boy! I have 3000 to 5000 years on you, as I am not entirely sure which Egyptian dynasty I came from. Mind crush!"

A sadistic smile darkened Yami's face as he watched the limp doll like body fall into a heap on the floor. Revealed behind where the professor had once stood was the figure of another boy, one with similarly tri-coloured hair, a figure of godly magnificence, a figure that anyone would worship and envy… or at least in Yami's eyes.

The storm outside cleared and sunshine shone through the windows. Birds, bees and squirrels mated happily in all the parks in the world, children sang and there was world peace. He had had his mind crush quota of the day and his perfect, beloved Aibou was here to give him sex.

"Aibou!" Yami's eyes lost their edge and became startlingly similar to the eyes of someone on a sugar induced high; his sadistic smile turned into the smile of a lovesick pup and would have anyone who saw him immediately want to sing the lyrics to 'Puppy Love'.

Yuugi, having just escaped the molestations of his history professor and hoping Yami would never find out, as he would fail his favourite subject when the teacher was found dismembered in a ditch with a variety of unpleasant things done to his person, was stood with a hand on his hip, which was jutted out in an entirely feminine manner. He had one eyebrow raised and a look of total exasperation on his face, a look that said 'just what the hell do you think you're doing?!'

Yami smirked at his darling husband, flexing sinewy muscles in a display of kingly masculinity as he stalked his future 'prey', he had no intention of going back to his lesson and he had no intention of letting Yuugi go back to his lesson either. Ra had put them both in this hallway, it was destiny, they were destined to shag, right here, right now!

While Yuugi enjoyed the show, he was not entirely impressed. Did Yami believe he would be able to get away with mind crushing people just by flaunting that devilishly handsome body of his? Especially teacher type people? This was the third time this week, damn it!

"Yami! If you keep mind crushing my teachers I will not be able to graduate!" His lover was still stalking towards him with intent in his eyes. What was it about Mou hitori no boku that made him so horny after mind crushing people? Did his lover have no self-control? Or was it the letting go of this self-control that made Yami so horny in the first place? These questions appeared that they would go unanswered for the moment as Yami and reached his destination, Yuugi's personal space bubble and was invading it with his devilish intention.

"So Yuugi, since we are both here, in this hallway, all alone and with no where to go…" Yami trailed off and deliberately eyed Yuugi from head to toe, and what sexy toes they were.

"Yes, Yami? What are you trying to say?" Yuugi stared at his other, knowing what he was getting at but purposely feigning ignorance. He folded his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow, his lover wasn't usually this coy when asking for sex, usually it was the other way around. A sudden image popped into Yuugi's head, inspired by this new coy attitude, an image involving his lover, dressed in a schoolgirl's outfit, eyes all sparkly and his hair spilt into pigtails. He tried to suppress both the fits of giggles and the ideas of what they could be in the bedroom very soon.

"Well, we're here, in this empty hallway, with various walls, walls that are unoccupied but could very much be occupied at a moment's notice." Yami raised his eyebrows and pointedly looked at his Aibou.

"I still don't know wh…"

Yuugi's sentence was cut short by Yami's shout of:

"Sex, Aibou, I mean sex! Now! Here! Up against a wall, in a closet, on a desk, up a tree if you so desire it but sex, somewhere! Now!" Yami's noble composure had flown out the proverbial window, and his arms were flailing about his body. "Yuugi. Sex. Now." With that growl, his hands travelled to his beloved's hips, pulling them flush against his body.

"But we're in public." Yuugi's face was now splashed with a tint of red, mostly around his cheeks, he was expecting Yami to say that just not in such an... excitable way.

"That's never stopped us before, Aibou!" He tried nuzzling the neck, oh how he loved that neck, of the squirming boy in his arms. His arms encircled his thin waist, smelling the scent of his other, vanilla.

Yuugi's face, that had once had a touch of colour to it, looked like it had been somehow painted a fluorescent bright red, he spluttered and tried to come up with something to say that would get him out of this rather public situation.

"But Yami, there's no bed! And we're at school, class could finish at any moment and I am not having sex with a dead body next to me… again." Yuugi was grasping at straws, he knew it, he also knew that Yami knew he was grasping at straws. It wasn't that he didn't want to have sex with his dear husband, it was just that anyone could walk around the corner and see them and the heap of flesh that was once called a body, a professor at that.

"There _is_ a closet, and no-one will know it's us. Oh, and the body, I'll just get rid of that for you, Aibou." He called the shadows and commanded them to get the shell of the fiendish interrupter out of his and his beloved's eyesight this instant.

"But the fumes, Yami! Think of the fumes. The storage closet will just be filled with all the fumes of the chemicals, and what if we were to bump into more than one of the chemicals and they spilled, our lungs could shrivel up and we might die… because of the fumes, Yami!" Yuugi was slightly hysterical; his husband's paranoia had somewhat stuck to him. He really didn't want to go into that closet.

"Aibou?" Yami lifted an eyebrow and stared at Yuugi.

"Look, we are not going to have a sex in closet filled with bleach and sanitizers and with things that could get up my nose like fumes and _spiders._" Yuugi tried to sound stern, but probably sounded more adorable than anything else.

"You and those spiders." Yami grumbled under his breath.

"Oh, it's my fault? You're the one that started this whole vendetta against the spiders." Yuugi tried to pull away from Yami, he really wasn't in the mood for sex... and he was ten minutes late for class, Jounouchi would give him that _look_ again, like _he_ didn't randomly get attacked by Kaiba in bushes and stuff, yeah right.

"Their leader sits and secretly watches you in the shower! Only I get to secretly watch you in the shower."

"It's not much of a secret, Yami. You sit in the tree outside, with a pair of binoculars and wave at me, _then_ tell me to arrange the soap suds in certain ways for your kinky pleasure."

"Yes but at those moments, I don't touch you, how dare their king touch your toe! You're mine, only I get to touch your toe... and the rest of you." Yami pulled his beloved Aibou closer to him and buried his face in the crook of his neck.

"If you had your way, you'd kill anyone who even _looked_ at me." Yuugi sighed heavily in Yami's arms. Thank god that they were no longer in the same body and could project each other's thoughts, if not Mr. Miiko, his history teacher, would be long dead. He wasn't so bad... just mentally unstable and thought Yuugi was his long dead wife... he was a bit senile and a week away from retirement. He didn't want him to die now... he'd be dead in about a month anyway.

Yami narrowed his eyes and squeezed Yuugi's waist, "Who's been looking at you again? I'll kill them!"

Yuugi began to panic and quickly scanned the hallway; he saw the storage room, "Oh, look, Yami, a closet! Do you want sex?"

The effect was instantaneous. Yami growled and, with a move that seemed to have been practiced, opened the closet door letting it ricochet off the wall, he hurriedly pushed his Aibou inside and followed him with a pounce, before the door shut on its frame once again.

From around the corner came two nondescript looking boys.

"And so he tells me that..." The taller of the two was interrupted from their thrilling conversation by the sounds coming from the closet. The banging and moaning steadily grew louder and the sound of a broom was heard falling to the ground. The boys were shell shocked.

"I think we should mo..." Said the shorter of the two boys, he too was interrupted, this time by the sound of names being called out and with that the two boys forgot everything but the need to flee the general area.

Yami emerged from the closet with a blissful and thoroughly fucked expression on his face, doing his pants up. Nothing like sex up the arse to make the world a better place and Yami happy.

Yuugi, breathing heavily, his shirt undone and his pants around his thighs, leaped forward and yanked Yami back into the closet, "Oh no, you dragged me in here, we're going to finish the rest of it!"

* * *

**AN: **(1)"Screw the rules, I have big hair." Was obviously inspired by LittleKuriboh and Kaiba's saying of "screw the rules, I have money" so credit goes to him. Me and Auster want his babies! And Goddammit we will have them... somehow. 

Well that's the first one down, it was fun to write but we are two different people, with different writing style, needless to say we clashed... in an entirely friendly manner... mutters bitch.

Please Review! We'll bring you more... and they will be so much crackier.

Review!


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